I’ve always been an avid reader. In the past I have also picked up many the self-help book. One time, a particular book fell right off the shelf as I walked by in the grocery store. I was the only one in the aisle at the time. That book was “The Shack” by William P. Young, and naturally I bought it. There was a message for me in that book just like there was a message for me in the book by Dr. Karyl McBride that I will be talking about shortly.
How I came to the book by Dr. Karyl McBride was through synchronicity, which if you are not paying attention, is easy to miss. I can’t remember where I saw the name of the book the first time, but it was in passing and I didn’t pay too much attention to it. The second time that I saw the book mentioned was actually in an unrelated article written by someone else who also made mention of Dr. McBride’s book. It was the second time in a short period of time that I had come across this book that I had never heard of before. It was at that point that I bought the book. While I enjoy reading both Kindle books and regular paperback and hardcover books, for self-help or non-fiction books, I have to buy the physical book. It’s a quirk of mine. In my experience, after I have read a book, inevitably I come across someone who needs information from that particular book and then I pass it on to them.
I read the book “The Shack” a couple of years after it came out. I’m not sure what was going on in my life at the time, but I do remember that the book moved me. Sometimes we are guided to a book because there is comfort to be found within its pages. Other times, we are guided to a book because it relates to a healing process that we have been going through.
I found the “Will I Ever Be Good Enough?” book by Dr. McBride recently. I have done a ton of healing work with regards to my mother who passed away in 2008 and had already found much peace related to my past. However, reading this book was eye opening and very helpful. I cannot recommend this book enough if you are a daughter (or even a stepdaughter) of a Narcissist. It is not a book that you will be bored reading, I promise you.
As someone whose mother has passed away, I feel that the book was truly put in my path to help me live a better life going forward and to give me insight into things I was not aware of that dictated how my mother related to the world and how she related to me. The book also provides readers with insight into how their mothers influenced the kind of women we are today (McBride, 2013). This book is educational; however, the author also clearly outlines how daughters of narcissistic mothers can heal (McBride, 2013).
The reading of this book is truly a personal journey, so I am not going to go into a ton of detail about the book, however some key things I do want to share about it are:
There are two types of daughters of narcissistic mothers: The High-Achieving Daughter and the Self-Sabotaging Daughter (McBride, 2013). Also, there is an engulfing mother, an ignoring mother, or she can be some combination of the two (McBride, 2013). The author breaks down information about the mother further when she discusses the six faces of maternal narcissism (McBride, 2013). It is here where you may see things that make you say, “Oh, that’s my mother right there!”. Under the six faces of maternal narcissism, there is the flamboyant-extrovert, the accomplishment-oriented, the psychosomatic, the addicted, the secretly mean, and the emotionally needy (McBride, 2013).
Early on in the book the author encourages us to look at our past so that we can heal from it and part of that entails facing up to “tough questions” (McBride, 2013, p.14) such as: “Why do I feel unlovable?, why do I never feel good enough?, why do I feel so empty?, and why do I always doubt myself?” (McBride, 2013, p.14).
I can’t recommend this book enough. I would qualify that though by saying that if you are not ready to look at your past, your relationship with your mother, or how you can heal further (McBride, 2013), I would advise against buying the book. The book is set up in such a way that the healing process and work come at the end (McBride, 2013), but prior to that the information presented is very direct, honest and raw (McBride, 2013), which some people may not be ready for (it can be triggering).
Lastly, if you click on the link below where it says References & Link it takes you right to the author’s website and you can take a free quiz to determine if your mother is narcissistic, if you are unsure if she is.
For those who come across this post, I wish you all the best with wherever you are in your stage of healing.
References & Link
McBride, K. (2013). Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. ATRIA Paperback.